Bottom 10 after Week 7 – USC suffers from missed connections

Inspiring thought of the week:

Now you start with the number eight and gradually
Skip eight numbers and repeat this song
Counting by eights (bee-doop, bbb-bee-doop)
Count by eight
Whoa, that’s high, that’s really fun
Count by eight

— “Counting by eights”, Scratch Garden

Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located somewhere in the crowds of Seattle, still echoing “Big Penix energy!” » by Desmond Howard. chants, we would like to be the first to officially welcome you to Week 8. The octagon, the octennal, the octad, the octet, the octopus garden of the 2023 college football season. This magical time of year where many teams will gain bowl eligibility every weekend and, more importantly in our world, bowl ineligibility.

What we are saying is that week 8 is like the trees that surround us this time of year. Some have leaves that are still green, while others have begun their transition to different shades of fall hues, much like the uniform colors of your favorite college football teams.

But these trees… yeah, they’re not our arbor. No, our antlers are the ones that can only be found either tucked away in the back of the nursery or barely hanging along a dicey exit from the New Jersey Turnpike. The warm woods that sprout a leaf every spring that immediately turns black from carbon monoxide poisoning. With a trembling, featherless Cardinal stuck up there on a twig with no way to get down, screaming, “It’s Week 8?! Really? Has Ball State ever won a second game?!”

With apologies to Steve Young, Troy Aikman, Davey O’Brien, David Carr and Steve Harvey, here are the Top 10 heading into Week 8.

1. Non-vada (0-6)

There are years where we go into Week 8 with a significant debate over which teams should be at the bottom of these rankings. Like that time we had a final 10 selection committee meeting and Charlie Weis was so angry during a discussion that he threw a trash bag at Jerry Glanville and then realized he was was actually a bag of money he had just received from Notre Dame and Kansas. . But this year, it’s a two-horse race as there are only two winless teams left in the FBS football ranks. The Woof Pack just lost to former Bottom 10 contender, now UNLV, now Mountain West contender. And who are the other oh-fers?

2. Sam Houston, we have a problem (0-6)

The Bearkats, who were unable to win in a contest with Kohort Konference-USA Newkomer Kolleague New Mexiko State.

3. Kent State (1-6)

Likewise, there have been many deliberations, disputes, arguments and all sorts of other discussions about which member of the MAC nation should be included in this ranking. Next, Kent State made a statement on the very first play of their game with EMU Emus.

EASTERN MICHIGAN TAKES THE KICK BACK FOR A TOUCHDOWN pic.twitter.com/sjoz3PPwrf

– Sickos Committee (@SickosCommittee) October 14, 2023

4. Akronmonieux (1-6)

In case you were wondering, and we most certainly were, Akron hosts Kent on November 1st, the night after Halloween. It’s the college football equivalent of having to make do with all the wax paper-wrapped candy and boxes of raisins left at the bottom of your treat bag after you’ve eaten all the good stuff.

5. The man from Troy! (6-1)

After its spokesperson lost 48-20 at Notre Dame by throwing three interceptions, this national burger chain with all the commercials featuring the USC quarterback has a new special for this week only (they hope ). After you order your food, they throw it at you from the drive-thru window, but miss your car by six feet and it gets run over by a passing truck.

6. UMess (1-7)

The good news? The Minuetmen were paid $1.6 million to travel to Unhappy Valley and serve as a warmup for Penn State before the Nittany Lions played Ohio State. The bad news? After losing 63-0, UMass will spend most of that money on bandages and ibuprofen.

7. Charlotte 1-and-5’ers (1-5)

The Niners lost 14-0 to Navy, with both touchdowns coming on plays of 60-plus yards in the second half. Now they face another Marine opponent from the American Athletic Conference of American Athletics in…

8. EC-If (1-5)

…the Pirates, who apparently haven’t had a scoring play of 60-plus yards since Charlotte head coach Biff Poggi still wore clothing with sleeves.

9. Player Status (1-6)

That spot went to either the Cardinals and Southern Missed. But the Golden Eagles had a game scheduled for Tuesday night against the South Alabama Redundancies, right as we were voting on this week’s rankings and honestly, we were too lazy to wait for the result. Additionally, Brett Favre’s lawyers said that if we left USM here for another week, they would sue us and use all the winnings to buy volleyball equipment.

10. Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater (1-6)

With all of these Pac-12 teams winning big games, producing Heisman candidates, and posting mammoth TV ratings, it’s good to see Arizona State produce a weekly slate of unexpected and disappointing close losses. Hey, someone had to respect Pac-12 traditions, right?

Waiting list: U-Can’t, Yew-VA, You A Bee?, all Indiana Big Ten schools, Michigan State Little Brothers, Whew Mexico, taking a 29-0 Prime lead.